Crucial Conversations… this stuff works!

I’m amazed at the power of healthy dialogue. You’d think communication would be the easiest thing in the world. I mean we all grow up talking to each other. We spent hours chatting with friends over the phone. We talked at length to try to impress a date. We basically grew up developing all the raw skills needed to effectively communicate. So what happened when we finally “grew up”? Why do things go so wrong when conversations become crucial?

I just got back from a Crucial Conversations Train the Trainer class a couple of weeks ago. It was excellent! Our trainer, Darrell Harmon who’s a great guy by the way, did a wonderful job! We all learned the tools needed to move conversations from dysfunctional to healthy. We got to practice our skills in front of our peers. All was well with the world. I was prepared, loaded up with fresh new tools. I was a conversation master… and then…. I went home.

When it mattered most… I did my worst. I had planned out one particular crucial conversation I was going to have with my wife. First off, I chickened out. I didn’t bring up the topic for days. Then it happened. When I was unprepared THE topic came up. Emotions began to rise. We both said things the wrong way.

Things were not going well. Then, in the twinkling of an eye… the thought popped into my head… “THIS is a crucial conversation. This is YOUR opportunity to try this stuff out.” So I went for it. At first, I couldn’t remember ANYTHING from my week long class. My brain was too dumbed down by adrenaline. My amygdala had been hijacked, and I simply couldn’t think. However, the more I tried to remember what to do first the more my emotions began to calm. I asked myself “What do I really want from this increasingly loud conversation?” As I processed that question another one from class popped into my head… “How can I Make it Safe?” Oh yeah… if one or both are going into silence or violence it’s because things aren’t safe. How could I make things safe for her? Oh yeah… a “Don’t / Do” statement would work here. I tried it…. it worked! She started to de-escalate.

I inwardly smiled at my new dialogue prowess. “What else could I try?”  I honestly didn’t try anything else because she began to follow my lead and started paraphrasing my statements. (Something we’d learned in marriage counseling years ago.) As we both tried to one-up each other with our conversational maturity our discussion took a 180. We ended up in a very healthy dialogue. We began encouraging each other, laughing and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. It was amazing! This stuff works!

If you’ve not read the book, get a copy. Secondly, you have to try it out! Like everything in life, you have to “take it out of the box” to enjoy it!

Good luck on your conversational journey!

Jim

Should CEOs BLOG?

As you are preparing for the new year you may want to consider blogging… if you aren’t already doing it. You will want to consider the risks of doing this if you’re in upper leadership, but it’s definitely worth considering for 2012. John Kador discusses the question “Should CEOs Have Personal Blogs?” in his article on Chief Executive.net.

——

On January 12, 2010, Royal Caribbean International faced a public relations crisis. A magnitude 7.0 earthquake devastated Haiti, a popular destination for a number of the 22 cruise boats that Royal Caribbean operates. Should the company suspend its scheduled cruise-ship calls on Haiti’s private Labadee resort, which was undamaged on the island nation’s northern coast? Or should it continue its calls to Labadee, risking the perception that it was indifferent to human suffering?

Central to the cruise line’s crisis management strategy was a blog written by Royal Caribbean International’s president and CEO, Adam Goldstein. In it, Goldstein engaged with members of the media, customers and the public in advancing the message that the cruise line’s decision to continue making cruiseship calls, far from being motivated by greed or indifference, had humanitarian benefits.

In his blog, Goldstein noted not only that Haiti’s beleaguered government requested that the cruise line continue its calls, but also offload needed relief and medical supplies every time a boat landed. His central message: Royal Caribbean was a part of the solution. The CEO blog was repeatedly cited in news reports and some media outlets took one or more blog posts as the basis of news stories, significantly amplifying the impact of the blog, according to Goldstein.

Royal Caribbean’s strategy is to connect with its guests at as many levels as possible and that includes their relationship with the CEO. It’s not that Goldstein thinks his blog replaces a formal corporate communications infrastructure. “My blog offers the CEO an informal channel to communicate the company’s branding messages,” he notes. “While news releases are a necessary element of our communications, they are to my blog what formal wear is to business casual. The blog allows me to speak in a way that was not available to our brand 10 years ago. The blog is a unique tool for me to convey news, highlight the contributions of my colleagues to our business and provide insight into the varied aspects of my life and role as CEO.”

CEOs Who Blog

For CEOs who’ve been living in a cave for the last 10 years, a personal blog—short for web blog—is a frequently updated website of personal reflections, insights, news, musings and information, all dispensed in a direct and conversational style that invites discussion. A small but growing number of CEOs have decided it’s a good investment of time to share their thoughts about the trends and issues they face, ask questions that genuinely bewilder them and, to varying degrees, talk about their personal lives, hobbies and passions. In most cases, links to the CEO web sites are prominently featured on the corporate web site.

There’s not exactly a rush by executives to publish personal blogs. Chief Executive estimates that less than three percent of CEOs currently blog in any meaningful way. CEOs who choose not to blog usually say they do not understand the medium or don’t have the time. Others point to a handful of risks—from being quoted out of context to sparking controversy—which are very real. So if you don’t have a CEO blog, there’s no reason to feel left out. Yet a growing number of CEOs have started blogging (See“CEOs and Social Media”).

Tom Glocer, CEO of Thomson Reuters, started his blog because he was personally interested in social media and citizen journalism. There are basically two ways CEOs can learn about emerging technologies, he says. One way is to hire a consultant or commission a study. But Glocer preferred another approach: he decided to plunge in and learn it himself. “As I experimented, I found I liked blogging,” he says.

Like most CEOs, he occasionally writes internal memos to employees. But when he posted these same memos on his personal blog, Glocer was surprised by how the simple fact of posting them increased their exposure and credibility. More employees offered thoughtful comments than ever before. “I came to the conclusion that in the eyes of my associates, my memos have greater legitimacy because they are hanging out there for all of the world to see,” Glocer says. The blog earns added credibility because Glocer publishes all signed comments— positive and critical.

Glocer doesn’t believe every CEO is cut out to have a personal blog. He suggests CEOs ask themselves if they are comfortable writing their own staff announcements, news releases, etc. “If you find the act of writing short messages a burden, then you probably shouldn’t take on a blog because it will be painfully obvious to everyone that you’re not having fun.”

Blogs and Thought Leadership

The CEOs who take the plunge into blogging offer various reasons for doing so. Creating the opportunity to have informal conversations with customers, employees, partners and the media is a common motivation. Some CEOs target their blogs to get in front of a situation and appoint themselves thought leaders.

Sue Allon, CEO of Allonhill, a Denver-based provider of credit risk management services, started her blog to help establish her company’s reputation as a trusted independent party in the area of mortgage securitization due diligence. With her own name so identified with the company, building trust and a close association between the company and her personal brand became the strategic goal of her blog.

Her CEO blog has delivered benefits both externally and internally, according to Allon. “As an external recruiting tool, the blog has been stunningly effective,” she says, adding “we recently hired a top-notch COO who reached out to us after reading the blog. The company found a candidate tightly aligned with Allonhill’s values and saved a hefty executive recruiting company fee in the bargain.

Much of what Allon blogs on is focused on Allonhill’s organizational culture, which she considers critical to building the company’s reputation for diligence and integrity. “A recent survey determined that more than 95 percent of employees could articulate the corporate mission,” she says, a level of engagement few companies can match. “One way I know that our analysts are going to do their job properly is to have confidence that they buy into our mission.”

“While news releases are a necessary element of our communications, they are to my blog what formal wear is to business casual.”

Penny Herscher, CEO of FirstRain, is fearless in mixing the personal with the professional in her blog, “The Grassy Road: A CEO at Work and Play in Silicon Valley and Beyond.” Based in San Mateo, Calif., FirstRain is a business intelligence monitoring company that helps executives ensure that they never miss critical events impacting their business. In her blog, Herscher recently mused about kite flying on Maui and company picnics, in addition to offering practical advice on how to run a board meeting and implementing a new vacation policy.

“It’s beneficial for potential customers, partners and associates to have a good sense of who I am, and to understand my thinking and the culture of FirstRain,” says Herscher, who gets up at each day at 5 a.m. to blog. The payoff? Negotiations with potential customers often become easier, she reports. “The blog creates a level of intimacy in negotiations that the customer controls if they choose to bring up a recent blog post.”

For the next several years, blogging is unlikely to be included in the job description of most executives. For now, CEO blogging is entirely optional, a nice-to-have supplemental channel for communicating with internal and external audiences, undertaken exclusively because individual CEOs sense its power. It’s like a high-wire circus act: With proper training, the risks are manageable but the impact is huge.

But CEOs take note: as social media becomes more integrated with traditional communications and reporting structures, blogging (in whatever form the rapidly evolving technology develops) will become more indispensable. The question, then, is whether there an advantage to starting a blog sooner rather than later?

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Tech, Hi Touch

“As we become more hi tech we will need to become more hi touch.” Sam Sikes, experiential learning author and facilitator, told this to a group he was working with years ago. At that time email was just becoming common in businesses, cell phones were huge with visible antennas, texting and social media weren’t invented yet, and Apple was still a floundering computer company daily losing market share to Microsoft. Sam’s words are more true today than they were then. Emotional Intelligence, Situational Leadership, Customer Service, Sensitivity training are all popular topics in the business world today. Our youngest workers are more comfortable communicating via technology than face-to-face. So what are the implications of this? If we keep moving toward greater reliance on technology at our current exponential speed without equally valuing the softer side of business what does that say about we truly value. We must continue focusing on the quality of our communication and not just the quantity or method of delivery.

Summer… at last!

Well Summer break is here once again. I always have mixed feelings about the break. On the one hand it’s fun to have the girls out of school and have the activities slow down from that frantic pace the end of school always brings. However, having the kids home more means it’s easier to justify NOT doing the business things I should be doing (calling on potential clients, reading business books, expanding my circles of exposure). I look forward to Summer and all the fun it brings, but I have to be honest that I also enjoy when school starts back in August.

Have an incredibly PRODUCTIVE Summer!

Mojo & Coaching

“Mojo – that positive spirit toward what we are doing now that starts from the inside and radiates to the outside.”

Marshall Goldsmith defines and breaks down what Mojo is. It is what distinguishes the truly successful people from the rest. You know when you’re operating in it… you just feel it. You’re good, and you know you’re good. Those activities, circumstances or environments where you know you are operating at peak performance and doing your very best…. that’s Mojo. Then it radiates outward for others to see and enjoy. It’s fun to watch someone operate in their Mojo. They’re just doing what they were put on this planet to do.

As a coach it’s important to know that helping another person to find (or re-find) their Mojo is critical to their success. However, there is only so much we can do. One must find their own Mojo. One thing Goldsmith says in his book (that I totally agree with) is “nobody ever gets better because of me.” In other words, the coach’s job is to point the way toward improvement… not do it for them. This has to come from inside of them. Our job is to shine a light on their path, encourage them along the way, and then get out of the way.

Dictators & Unions

The Middle East rebellions make me think of when organizations get unionized. I’m no big fan of unions, but I also believe that in most cases they wouldn’t have any ground to stand on if leadership were doing the right things. If the leaders of that organization were providing leadership that served both the people and the organization their ‘most important asset’  wouldn’t be unhappy. In fact, it’s commonly known that happy employees who believe they’re being taken care of and treated fairly will give their best at work. They will give more of their discretionary effort to their leaders which in turn increases the success of all involved.

Again, if leaders are serving their people well then employees have no reason to rebel. Egypt, Tunisia and Libya have shown us what people will do in a country with self-serving leadership. A benevolent dictator rarely has anything to worry about. Consider the recent demonstration attempts in Saudi Arabia. Even though King Abdullah isn’t necessarily a benevolent leader and things aren’t perfect, he is generally well-liked among Saudis. And we see that a significant rebellion couldn’t take hold.

This should be encouraging to leaders who are at least trying to do the right things. If your people generally like you and trust that you have their best intentions and the organization’s in mind you can breathe a little easier. You’ll probably not have an uprising any day soon.

 

Don’t Hire Jerks…

I just read a New York Times article based on an interview with Michael Lebowitz, founder and C.E.O. of Big Spaceship about hiring talent. I especially liked this section of the interview…

“Don’t hire jerks, no matter how talented.” I became very attuned to this early on, when we were still a small start-up, and you’re doing everything you can to maintain a positive framework. So I’m looking for people I like, because I’ve seen how, no matter how talented they are, the negative is always going to pull down any positive. The second- or third- or fourth-best candidate who isn’t a jerk is going to ultimately provide way more value. Because we learned that early on, we’ve always guarded against that sort of rock-star culture.”

I couldn’t agree more. How much time do leaders in organizations spend on dealing with bad behavior? Or, as Peter Drucker referred to as bad manners. The basic people skills and politeness are so much more important than raw untamed talent. And the latter can cause so much needless destruction. It’s easy to get blinded by a superstar. We should always ask questions about “good fit” and “compatibility” in addition to a prospective hire’s qualifications.

New Years Questions

The beginning of the new year is the natural time to set new resolutions or goals. It just makes sense to ponder the past year and plan for the new year during this season. Karlin Sloan in a recent blog lists five good questions for you to ponder in January.

1.) What can you stop doing this year? Who can help take things off of your plate? How can you develop those around you to take on what you shouldn’t be doing anymore?
2.) Who do you want to spend more time with? Leaders often spend a lot of time with people who drain their energy. Who adds to your life force? How can you make time with that person?
3.) How are you contributing your greatest strengths to your organization? What talents and skills are going unused? What strengths are you using too much?
4.) What practices help you to stay grounded and clearheaded? How can you make space for what re-energizes and envigorates you?
5.) Do your team members feel engaged and appreciated? One great new year’s practice is to send a hand-written note to each of your direct reports thanking them for their contributions in 2010, and asking for their help to make 2011 great.

I encourage you to take some time this month and answer these questions as you plan for a wonderful 2011!

Serve to Lead

The Four Questions….

1. Who are you serving?
2. How can you best serve?
3. Are you making your unique contribution?
4. Are you getting better every day?

These four questions are the heart of a new book I’m reading called “Serve to Lead” by James M. Strock. The book basically acts as a field manual for those in leadership positions or for those wanting to hone their skill as leaders. I especially love that first question… “Who are you serving?” If we would only get in the habit of asking ourselves this question throughout each day it would transform the way we see people at work. It would transform the way we look at our role at work. And, the steady application of asking this question and making slight alignments throughout the day would transform the wave we live our lives.

The funny thing is that many of us already know that we SHOULD serve others throughout the day. Then why don’t we do it? I love this quote from the book…

“Men more frequently require to be reminded rather than informed.” – Samuel Johnson

This is so true. A big part of coaching the leaders I work with is just that… reminding them to do what they know they should do. In fact, I’ve had leaders come back a year or two later after we completed our coaching to “want more.” Most have said the reason was that the weekly accountability (just simply knowing that someone would ask them about issues they were working on) made all the difference in their overall effectiveness as a leader. The job of a good coach then is to help “remind” them of what they already know to do. Once they’ve discovered what needs to change in their lives the coach’s job then is to simply “remind” them of the path they already determined that they should be on.

Well done, James Strock. Enjoying your book!

Summertime

Summer tends to be slower in most businesses. This can be a great time to re-focus on your priorities. Time management is great for getting more done. But, the ultimate goal in time management is being able to spend more time on what’s most important in life. Covey refers to these as your “big rocks.” For most people these big rocks end up being relationships… with God, your spouse, your kids, your parents, etc. If you have some “down time” (or at least some “less chaotic time”) this summer I encourage you to use it wisely. Spend some time alone, look at your most significant relationships, and determine if you are spending enough time with each one. Again, use summertime to re-establish what’s most important in life… & wear sunscreen.