Crucial Conversations… this stuff works!

I’m amazed at the power of healthy dialogue. You’d think communication would be the easiest thing in the world. I mean we all grow up talking to each other. We spent hours chatting with friends over the phone. We talked at length to try to impress a date. We basically grew up developing all the raw skills needed to effectively communicate. So what happened when we finally “grew up”? Why do things go so wrong when conversations become crucial?

I just got back from a Crucial Conversations Train the Trainer class a couple of weeks ago. It was excellent! Our trainer, Darrell Harmon who’s a great guy by the way, did a wonderful job! We all learned the tools needed to move conversations from dysfunctional to healthy. We got to practice our skills in front of our peers. All was well with the world. I was prepared, loaded up with fresh new tools. I was a conversation master… and then…. I went home.

When it mattered most… I did my worst. I had planned out one particular crucial conversation I was going to have with my wife. First off, I chickened out. I didn’t bring up the topic for days. Then it happened. When I was unprepared THE topic came up. Emotions began to rise. We both said things the wrong way.

Things were not going well. Then, in the twinkling of an eye… the thought popped into my head… “THIS is a crucial conversation. This is YOUR opportunity to try this stuff out.” So I went for it. At first, I couldn’t remember ANYTHING from my week long class. My brain was too dumbed down by adrenaline. My amygdala had been hijacked, and I simply couldn’t think. However, the more I tried to remember what to do first the more my emotions began to calm. I asked myself “What do I really want from this increasingly loud conversation?” As I processed that question another one from class popped into my head… “How can I Make it Safe?” Oh yeah… if one or both are going into silence or violence it’s because things aren’t safe. How could I make things safe for her? Oh yeah… a “Don’t / Do” statement would work here. I tried it…. it worked! She started to de-escalate.

I inwardly smiled at my new dialogue prowess. “What else could I try?”  I honestly didn’t try anything else because she began to follow my lead and started paraphrasing my statements. (Something we’d learned in marriage counseling years ago.) As we both tried to one-up each other with our conversational maturity our discussion took a 180. We ended up in a very healthy dialogue. We began encouraging each other, laughing and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. It was amazing! This stuff works!

If you’ve not read the book, get a copy. Secondly, you have to try it out! Like everything in life, you have to “take it out of the box” to enjoy it!

Good luck on your conversational journey!

Jim

Should CEOs BLOG?

As you are preparing for the new year you may want to consider blogging… if you aren’t already doing it. You will want to consider the risks of doing this if you’re in upper leadership, but it’s definitely worth considering for 2012. John Kador discusses the question “Should CEOs Have Personal Blogs?” in his article on Chief Executive.net.

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On January 12, 2010, Royal Caribbean International faced a public relations crisis. A magnitude 7.0 earthquake devastated Haiti, a popular destination for a number of the 22 cruise boats that Royal Caribbean operates. Should the company suspend its scheduled cruise-ship calls on Haiti’s private Labadee resort, which was undamaged on the island nation’s northern coast? Or should it continue its calls to Labadee, risking the perception that it was indifferent to human suffering?

Central to the cruise line’s crisis management strategy was a blog written by Royal Caribbean International’s president and CEO, Adam Goldstein. In it, Goldstein engaged with members of the media, customers and the public in advancing the message that the cruise line’s decision to continue making cruiseship calls, far from being motivated by greed or indifference, had humanitarian benefits.

In his blog, Goldstein noted not only that Haiti’s beleaguered government requested that the cruise line continue its calls, but also offload needed relief and medical supplies every time a boat landed. His central message: Royal Caribbean was a part of the solution. The CEO blog was repeatedly cited in news reports and some media outlets took one or more blog posts as the basis of news stories, significantly amplifying the impact of the blog, according to Goldstein.

Royal Caribbean’s strategy is to connect with its guests at as many levels as possible and that includes their relationship with the CEO. It’s not that Goldstein thinks his blog replaces a formal corporate communications infrastructure. “My blog offers the CEO an informal channel to communicate the company’s branding messages,” he notes. “While news releases are a necessary element of our communications, they are to my blog what formal wear is to business casual. The blog allows me to speak in a way that was not available to our brand 10 years ago. The blog is a unique tool for me to convey news, highlight the contributions of my colleagues to our business and provide insight into the varied aspects of my life and role as CEO.”

CEOs Who Blog

For CEOs who’ve been living in a cave for the last 10 years, a personal blog—short for web blog—is a frequently updated website of personal reflections, insights, news, musings and information, all dispensed in a direct and conversational style that invites discussion. A small but growing number of CEOs have decided it’s a good investment of time to share their thoughts about the trends and issues they face, ask questions that genuinely bewilder them and, to varying degrees, talk about their personal lives, hobbies and passions. In most cases, links to the CEO web sites are prominently featured on the corporate web site.

There’s not exactly a rush by executives to publish personal blogs. Chief Executive estimates that less than three percent of CEOs currently blog in any meaningful way. CEOs who choose not to blog usually say they do not understand the medium or don’t have the time. Others point to a handful of risks—from being quoted out of context to sparking controversy—which are very real. So if you don’t have a CEO blog, there’s no reason to feel left out. Yet a growing number of CEOs have started blogging (See“CEOs and Social Media”).

Tom Glocer, CEO of Thomson Reuters, started his blog because he was personally interested in social media and citizen journalism. There are basically two ways CEOs can learn about emerging technologies, he says. One way is to hire a consultant or commission a study. But Glocer preferred another approach: he decided to plunge in and learn it himself. “As I experimented, I found I liked blogging,” he says.

Like most CEOs, he occasionally writes internal memos to employees. But when he posted these same memos on his personal blog, Glocer was surprised by how the simple fact of posting them increased their exposure and credibility. More employees offered thoughtful comments than ever before. “I came to the conclusion that in the eyes of my associates, my memos have greater legitimacy because they are hanging out there for all of the world to see,” Glocer says. The blog earns added credibility because Glocer publishes all signed comments— positive and critical.

Glocer doesn’t believe every CEO is cut out to have a personal blog. He suggests CEOs ask themselves if they are comfortable writing their own staff announcements, news releases, etc. “If you find the act of writing short messages a burden, then you probably shouldn’t take on a blog because it will be painfully obvious to everyone that you’re not having fun.”

Blogs and Thought Leadership

The CEOs who take the plunge into blogging offer various reasons for doing so. Creating the opportunity to have informal conversations with customers, employees, partners and the media is a common motivation. Some CEOs target their blogs to get in front of a situation and appoint themselves thought leaders.

Sue Allon, CEO of Allonhill, a Denver-based provider of credit risk management services, started her blog to help establish her company’s reputation as a trusted independent party in the area of mortgage securitization due diligence. With her own name so identified with the company, building trust and a close association between the company and her personal brand became the strategic goal of her blog.

Her CEO blog has delivered benefits both externally and internally, according to Allon. “As an external recruiting tool, the blog has been stunningly effective,” she says, adding “we recently hired a top-notch COO who reached out to us after reading the blog. The company found a candidate tightly aligned with Allonhill’s values and saved a hefty executive recruiting company fee in the bargain.

Much of what Allon blogs on is focused on Allonhill’s organizational culture, which she considers critical to building the company’s reputation for diligence and integrity. “A recent survey determined that more than 95 percent of employees could articulate the corporate mission,” she says, a level of engagement few companies can match. “One way I know that our analysts are going to do their job properly is to have confidence that they buy into our mission.”

“While news releases are a necessary element of our communications, they are to my blog what formal wear is to business casual.”

Penny Herscher, CEO of FirstRain, is fearless in mixing the personal with the professional in her blog, “The Grassy Road: A CEO at Work and Play in Silicon Valley and Beyond.” Based in San Mateo, Calif., FirstRain is a business intelligence monitoring company that helps executives ensure that they never miss critical events impacting their business. In her blog, Herscher recently mused about kite flying on Maui and company picnics, in addition to offering practical advice on how to run a board meeting and implementing a new vacation policy.

“It’s beneficial for potential customers, partners and associates to have a good sense of who I am, and to understand my thinking and the culture of FirstRain,” says Herscher, who gets up at each day at 5 a.m. to blog. The payoff? Negotiations with potential customers often become easier, she reports. “The blog creates a level of intimacy in negotiations that the customer controls if they choose to bring up a recent blog post.”

For the next several years, blogging is unlikely to be included in the job description of most executives. For now, CEO blogging is entirely optional, a nice-to-have supplemental channel for communicating with internal and external audiences, undertaken exclusively because individual CEOs sense its power. It’s like a high-wire circus act: With proper training, the risks are manageable but the impact is huge.

But CEOs take note: as social media becomes more integrated with traditional communications and reporting structures, blogging (in whatever form the rapidly evolving technology develops) will become more indispensable. The question, then, is whether there an advantage to starting a blog sooner rather than later?

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Tech, Hi Touch

“As we become more hi tech we will need to become more hi touch.” Sam Sikes, experiential learning author and facilitator, told this to a group he was working with years ago. At that time email was just becoming common in businesses, cell phones were huge with visible antennas, texting and social media weren’t invented yet, and Apple was still a floundering computer company daily losing market share to Microsoft. Sam’s words are more true today than they were then. Emotional Intelligence, Situational Leadership, Customer Service, Sensitivity training are all popular topics in the business world today. Our youngest workers are more comfortable communicating via technology than face-to-face. So what are the implications of this? If we keep moving toward greater reliance on technology at our current exponential speed without equally valuing the softer side of business what does that say about we truly value. We must continue focusing on the quality of our communication and not just the quantity or method of delivery.

Communicate Less

I just ran across this post on how we need to communicate less…. not more! I see this with the organizations I work with over and over again. The number one organizational complaint is… “We don’t communicate enough!” David Woods does a great job of explaining what this really means.

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I work with a large variety of CEOs, senior managers and key employees. If I ask about the needs and issues within the company, I almost always get the same response…”We need more communication.”

My reaction to that is that it is simply, WRONG!

Companies don’t need more communication. They need more clarity.

Clarity of the vision of the company.
Clarity of where the company is going (long term and short term).
Clarity of HOW the company will get there.
Clarity of individual roles and how those roles create value toward the vision.
Clarity of how roles must intertwine in order to achieve extraordinary results.
Clarity of how the company will hold itself and each individual accountable.
Think about a great basketball team. When things run smoothly within a team they find that less communication is needed, not more. When the team is really “in the zone” and everything is going perfectly, what is the coach doing? Very little! He’s not yelling, or sending in new plays or screaming at the assistant coaches. He’s letting the team perform at its peak level… because of their clarity of purpose.

The point is, when managers and employees have clarity of where they are going and how to get there they need less communication, not more.

Great teams don’t usually talk in paragraphs or even sentences to communicate. They are so in-tune with one another they talk in just few words and eye-contact. They have so much clarity of purpose among them that they require less communication, not more.

The next time someone in your company pushes for more communication, remember, “Don’t strive for more communication. Strive for more clarity!”

Written by David Woods David@giantpartners.biz